you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
