My friends, they love my intelligence
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
