Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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