i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
