apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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