I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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