well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize