I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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