Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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