Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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