please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize