I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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