I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
