I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
