I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
