I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
