I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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