my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
