Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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