I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
