Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
