Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
