I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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