called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
