I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
