If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
