just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
