I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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