Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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