She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
