Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
