If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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