I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize