can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
