I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
