He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
