Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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