This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
