Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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