I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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