A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
