Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
