he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
