I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
