Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
