he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
