so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i've created a new STD.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
