just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
