I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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