He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
