woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My penis needs a shock collar
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
