he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
