Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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