We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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