look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
