great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you traded sex for a burrito?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
