My balls are so social today.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
