just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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