Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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