Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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