you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
