i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
