she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
