Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
