My pussy is not your playground.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
