all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
