you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
