Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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