Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize