Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you. Go after that dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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