My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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