I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
