if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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